Friends & Things

July 8, 2020

The past few months have put me in major reflection mode. I am not the same person that I was back in February. As the world tries to pick up where it left off with changes in getting together, I’ve thought a lot about who I want to spend my time with outside my immediate family and who my friends are. Who have I missed in the disrupted normalcy of schedules and everyday dependability? I am very extroverted and enjoy getting together with and talking to others but this time has also exposed an introverted side to myself that I wasn’t aware of. I’ve learned that it’s okay to slow down and just be still. It’s okay to be alone, process, and collect your thoughts. There is peace there. And even if there isn’t, there is value in talking to someone that sees and understands you for who you. Which can be hard to come by.

Outside of my husband being my best friend, I am a true girls’ girl. I love getting my hair and nails done, and boutique shopping. I love watching a good movie with a group. I enjoy delicious food with a hearty helping of heartfelt conversation. I value spending quality time with my girlfriends even if these days that seems to be through catching up on Marco Polo messages or quick texts checking in to see how you are doing. But it wasn’t always like that. I believe I’ve evolved into my early 30s and throughout this pandemic.

Back in my twenties, chile, I was a mess. In my last post, I shared my faith and how I got that faith but I’m not gonna lie. I was judge-y. Mega judge-y! Raise your hand if you’ve KNOWN a judge-y Christian. 🙋🏾 Raise your hand if you’ve BEEN a judge-y Christian. 🙋🏾 When I look back on the way I behaved in relationships sometimes, I cringe.

Once when I was twenty, I was moving into an apartment with two female roommates. One of them I had lived with for a year and the other I was just getting acquainted with. We were making plans to move in together and I was calling the two girls back to back (this was before Facetime).  I made an unkind comment about my new roommate to my old roommate on the phone. I don’t remember what it was but it was wasn’t nice and I said it right when I got on the phone. Wouldn’t you know that I called the new roommate I was badmouthing thinking it was the other! It was mortifying and during our time living together, I felt that our relationship never recovered. 😬😬😬 On the plus side, it was a lesson in not gossiping.

I also thought I should be best friends with EVERYONE in my twenties especially after my first child was born. I think it was because being a stay at home mom was (and still can be) lonely at times and as outgoing as I am, I wanted good friends. Looking back, I spent a good amount of time investing in relationships that were uneven. Not that they were bad necessarily but I would be trying to plan get-togethers or girls nights all the time. I like to plan things but doing a lot of that type of thing in a friendship when you are often the one to initiate it the most was exhausting. I probably could’ve spent more time investing in other friendships where there was more mutual interest or heck hanging out with my husband instead of trying to go out all the time.

To this day, I’m more aware of friendships where I am often “making the first move” in hanging out. This is almost non-existent since I’m not meeting as many new people in the pandemic but where I was putting in all the effort in friendships, I am much more wary to do that. I’m so grateful for my current friendships. The women in my life (I don’t have exclusive guy friends) are the most supportive people I know. Even when I was heartbroken recently, they were there for me just to check-in and listen and it was invaluable.

Lastly, one of the big things I’ve learned is that you are not meant to be BFFs with everyone you meet. In my twenties, I thought I should be friends with every female I came in contact with. Lordy. 🤦🏽 I went into casual conversations hoping I would come out with a new best friend. Wrong. Although I do believe in kindness and being genuine with the people you meet, we are not all supposed to be best friends. There are some personalities that mesh together better than others.

Through these lessons, I find myself putting my best foot forward in my current relationships. Any lessons that you’ve learned in a friendship that you want to share. I’d love to hear them. Comment below! ❤️