My Motherhood Journey: 5 Years In

May 10, 2019

I’ve been reflecting on the kind of mom I am and the fact I’ve been a mom for almost 5 years now. Obviously, there are moms that have been moms longer than I have (I see you, grandmothers & great grandmothers!👋🏾). For me personally, it’s crazy the things that have changed in me as a mom in that time. It’s been nothing that I could’ve really anticipated, so challenging but also so beautiful.

Let’s start with my firstborn. My son has accomplished so much in the last 5 years developmentally and socially that I’ve been there to witness or help him through. From those early feedings, the transition to solid foods, crawling, walking, running, first words to full blown conversations and his inquisitive mind that is often asking me questions or making surprising statements. The other day he said, he wanted to play a game he made up “that’s been in his mind for years.” 😮😂 These days he’s writing his name, doing basic math, has his own interests -all things Lego and outer space, ready to read and on his way to Kindergarten. He still needs input and guidance but not on the level of his baby days.

My little guy and I having some quality time a couple months ago playing a board game.

Then there’s my 2.5-year-old daughter who taught me the kind of woman I want to be in this world and that she’s looking to me for what it means to be a woman without even knowing it. I also learned after she was born that I don’t have time to be fake or phony. Maybe it’s because I had another child, less time overall or was closer to 30 that I realized I could only be myself. That the mom that I am is good enough for my family and kiddos. I started making more decisions based on what was best for the 3 of us (when it’s just the kids and me) than what gave me the most accolades of being a mom. Not to mention she keeps me on my toes with the things that she says, her interests and all that she manages to get into.

A couple of years ago with my first Mother’s Day with my little girl. She has totally changed my perception of what being a woman really means.

Now entering the 3rd trimester with my 3rd baby, I know that things are getting ready to change again. I know I’ll learn different things from raising this specific child than my other two. I know that essentially all a baby needs is love, food, some clothes, and lots of diapers. I’m excited about all the love, cuddles, cooing, the joys of milestones and baby/sibling bonding while I get to know the newest member of my family. On the flip side, I also know the pain of labor, sleep deprivation, exploding diapers, limited patience and dig in your heels and conquer the next hour because that’s all you can think about realities. Both sides are part of the newborn/first-year experience. At this point, I don’t think I could fake being me if I tried. My filter tends to disappear when I’m pregnant which I blame on hormones and being extra tired.

Another thing I’ve learned on the marathon that is motherhood is that other people’s opinions don’t matter. After my son was born, I was HYPER sensitive to what everyone thought or said about my child or what I was doing as a mom. Going into #3, I can already feel myself being kinder to me. Saying no to plans because it’d be better for us to stay home or just buying store bought whatever to share at preschool or a potluck because it’s easier and I’d rather save time.

These days, I’m trusting God to give me grace for the mistakes that I’ve made daily with my kids. I believe that His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9) and that His mercies are new every morning (Lam. 3:22-23). That joy comes in the morning (Ps. 30:5) after the long nights that are in my near future with this newborn season on the horizon. I know that at the heart of it, I am less confident in who I am as a mom alone and my confidence comes from Him.

My 3 babies! It’s so surreal that in a couple of months, I’ll have 3 kids. No matter how crazy it gets, I’m eternally grateful.

To all the mothers celebrating Mother’s Day know that you are enough, be kind to yourselves and if you need it and can find time for one – take a nap. You deserve it. ❤️

For my fellow mamas, I’d love to hear where you’re at in your motherhood journey and some lessons you’ve learned. Share below!